Giving back, slacker style
Oh my. Following through on my commitment to do a good deed every week in my 50th year on earth is a tad more difficult than I anticipated. Always the optimist, I made my commitment with a light heart and a big agenda. The truth is, I work 50 or 60 hours a week. The time left over is spent with my family. In the real world where I live, that doesn’t leave a whole bunch of time for “other” stuff.
While I am on task with my year of giving, I definitely feel that I need to step it up. I have kept a list of the things I have done and I am technically a little ahead of schedule. So far, so good, right? So far….so far, I have taken the easy road. Gifts for people that provide the services I use everyday, free coffee for the people behind me in line at Starbucks, extreme generosity in traffic and in grocery store lines…truly, not one young mother has opened a door in my presence! Our salon serves food in a homeless shelter once a month. Beautiful. Yet, I am itching to step out of my comfort zone a bit more. I guess I am outing myself as a slacker-giver. I am vowing to get sweaty, to use my hands and not my pocketbook, to do more. What “more” will look like, I can’t say. My promise is simply to do it.
Admitting I am disappointed does not take away from the little joy cloud I have created for a dozen or so strangers and myself. I do believe that my simple acts of kindness, my smile, my helpful hand and the complimentary java have bumped up the happiness quotient around town. I agree with Mother Teresa who said, “We shall never know all the good that a simple smile can do.” Hopefully, a ripple effect is happening as I type. Maybe what I really am is a greedy giver. Because a little ripple is great…but darn it, I want more.
Create Your Own Joy
Dogs have a way of showing us how easy joy and happiness is to have in our life every day. Take some time today to uncover what truly brings you joy and then go about doing it! Woof…
Frozen Hexagons
I was reading an article in the newspaper the other day that was discussing “Hexagons of Frozen Precipitation.” What the heck is that? After a few seconds of pondering came to realize that the writer was talking about snow, I love snow! A hexagon of frozen precipitation is not the kind of thing I would like to catch on my tongue, but I love to catch snowflakes. The meteorologists say that no two flakes are the same, but my tongue never discriminates.
I grew up in the winter lands outside of Milwaukee, where the snows first fall between the middle of October and Thanksgiving. Generally the snow finally recedes and gives the baseball fields back to their owners in March or early April. As a child there is so much to do and make with snow—balls, angels, men, igloos, tunnels, shoveling money and much more. I remember lying in bed at night and just watching the snow fall by the street light, as I was drifting into midwinter slumber land.
Last month snow covered most of the U.S., with my Atlanta covered in a nice blanket for almost a week. The kids sprung from their homes with sleds, saucers and all kinds of makeshift vehicles. For hours they would allow gravity to slide them down the hills, and then struggle through the perilous footing back to the top, just to let gravity repeat the process back down the hill. At the point of near exhaustion, they bust back into the houses from which they had sprang to be greeted and rejuvenated by a cup of steaming hot chocolate and a cozy fireplace. While the adults worry about deductibles, missed school days and frost bite, the kids can’t wait until their boots dry out so they can go back out for one more visit. The joys and exhilarations of winter!
Joy in the time of…
Yesterday it snowed almost a foot of beautiful, white snow all around my new neighborhood. There we were at around 8000 feet in the Colorado foothills west of Denver. At slightly lower elevation the ground was clear and dry and as I went to shop at a large warehouse store for an upcoming cooking marathon. We competed with the party shoppers preparing for Super Bowl Sunday. As we drove back up to elevation, the cars thinned out, more trees grew, deer and elk girded themselves against the storm, and the vistas became more and more picture perfect with beautiful layers of fluffy white adorning every branch, field and rooftop within eyesight. Up there the clouds were low and thick as the snow continued to fall, albeit gently, for hours. Up there we felt remote from the competition of the city, the striving and emotional stress of living in close quarters with many other humans.
In this remote area I realized that my emotional response to either environment, was just that – a response. When in the thick of the city, it behooved me to remember to stay present and aware of whose emotions were flitting across the internal landscape and that they were not all mine. Compassion welled up as awareness dawned of those who were not so happy, compassion surfaced for their grief, anger, or jealousy. Even better was when my joy matched those around who are joyful or created and generated joy in others.
In the stillness of my remote space, I can more readily resonate directly with the individual and more readily recognize where there is pain, where there is joy… Perhaps we can find that space of generating joy, allowing it to flow outward in a wave of tsunami proportions to wash around all those who are around us, we can become the generators of the joy factor, rather than solely responding to the pain around!!!
Lean on Me
Sometimes in our lives we all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there’s always tomorrow
Lean on me, when you’re not strong
And I’ll be your friend
I’ll help you carry on
For it won’t be long
‘Til I’m gonna need
Somebody to lean on
Bill Withers
This week, life has offered me a few lemons. What do you do with lemons? You can taste their sourness or if you are a Joy Strategist like me, you make lemonade. In theory, making lemonade is easy. Yet this week, I have needed a lot of help with this simple process. What I crave from this lemonade is to taste the sweetness of life amidst unfortunate situations. 9 months ago we rescued a sweet dog named Eli. Over our time together, we have realized that Eli is not the right dog for us. With a very heavy heart we have decided to find him another home. I wish I had bought stock in Kleenex before we made this decision.
In the middle of all of this, I launched into the Next Top Self Help Author contest (ps—vote for me today!) to win a publishing contract for my upcoming book about finding joy inside of yourself. This has been a true test of walking my talk. Along with using the 4 ingredients that I share in the book, I have found 3 powerful things that have helped me experience joy through this current event.
One is to call my friends. It is great when they are there and can talk; they are so helpful. When they have not been available, I lean into my theme for the year. For the past 10 years, I have picked a theme to support me on my journey. This year my theme is to Expect the Best. Those 3 words have lifted me up when I am spiraling down in worry and doubt. Last, but not least is music. This morning I went to Bill Withers song, Lean on Me. His words remind me that there is so much support available to us in so many different shapes and sizes. It is just a matter of leaning in, feeling what needs to be felt and ultimately, choosing joy again and again. And of course, the best leaning in is the hug from my husband.
A Year of Living Generously
I have a confession. I feel happy to shut the door on 2010. I am eager to move on from this year. It was twelve months of rough and tumble stuff. After a challenging twelve months, asking for an upgraded experience next year feels a little like stepping up to a Craps table in Vegas… C’mon, 2011!
I was thinking about this and I realized that I turn 50 next year. I had to ask my (mildly?) vain self how I could tackle 50 and stay away from the grumpiness and angst that sometimes accompanies a milestone birthday. How can I make next year a truly great year? So I came up with a plan. Happiness studies show that people who give back are much more content than those who don’t. I am a pretty helpful sort, but there has never been any real structure around it. So here’s my pledge: In the year 2011 I will do 50 things to help someone else. At my advanced age, that averages out to almost one good deed a week, but I am up for the challenge. It might be as simple as buying the guy behind me in line at Starbucks a cup of coffee. It might be an all-day park clean up. I don’t know exactly how this will take shape. It’s exciting and I feel a little peppy just thinking about it. I will report my progress on this fabulous blog. Being very intentional with this year long adventure may prove to be quite fun. I invite any and all to join me on this journey.
It feels like less of gamble already.
Every Time My Phone Craps Out, I’m Eligible for an Upgrade
It’s funny. Every time my phone starts acting up or conks out completely, it turns out that I’m eligible for an upgrade. I hate having to learn a whole new phone each time, so I’m resistant to an upgrade until something happens. But then I’m always happy I did because the new features make my life easier and help me stay connected to those I love and the things I love.
So why am I talking about my cell phone? Because a friend of mine noticed that it is a great analogy for life!
Sometimes we have to be pushed along to whatever is next for us, and most times it comes out to be an upgrade. And during that period where you are dealing with the broken phone, waiting to get the new one and even getting used to the new one, you don’t think it will ever be as easy or enjoyable as the old phone. You just can’t see that light at the end of the tunnel and it can be painful.
When you look back at every time you have switched phones, you can’t imagine that a new one could be any better – in fact, I’ve been tempted at times to trade back to the old phone, but pushing ahead has always proven to be the best choice.
I’ve got a lot of friends who have been dealing with things that appear to be a “broken phone,” and some have shared the results of refusing to tell that story over and over and stay in that place. Instead, they noticed the amazing things happening in their lives or even their past experiences that point to goodness and joy.
While my phone is broken and I’m waiting on the upgrade, I’m encouraged by those stories and strive to find that joy and hope in my own life. The friend who coined the analogy also helped me notice the gifts in my life and although my “phone” is giving me fits at the moment, there’s so many great things I have gained as a result of having it.
Joy From A Perfect Analogy,
Bernadette
Bad to the Bone
Why is it that the things we get the most joy from are labeled “bad for you”? Sometimes I feel like a player on the game show, “You Can’t Win!” I know you can relate…
It’s been cold. No, really cold. Snow is falling in places it doesn’t normally fall, warm, sunny locales are bundled up with the heat on for the first time in eons, and the only way I can get warm is with a long hot shower. Oh. Hot showers are bad for you? C’mon, you’re kidding me, right? I am cold to the bone and covering up with clothes doesn’t do it. Yes, I’m all layered up: t-shirt, shirt, sweater, jacket, hat, gloves, scarf, you name it – I’m wearing it.
And a long hot shower always does the trick. Warms me all the way through, makes me feel finally comfortable. Then I turn on the news and what do I see? Hot showers are bad for your skin, hot water causes you to age more quickly, causes dry, itchy skin. Hmm…itchy, dry skin or freezing cold to the bone? Such a dilemma.
So I go make a cup of coffee. That’ll warm me up. No wait, caffeine is bad for you. I’ll have decaf. No wait, they decaffeinate using a chemical process that’s linked to cancer (What isn’t linked to cancer?) Fine. I’ll heat up some soup. OMG, the soup has sodium and all kinds of preservatives. What to do, what to do?
As I rub my eyes to clear my head, my husband says, “Don’t rub your eyes, it’s bad for you.” I think to myself, “Again?” I’m bristling now. “What do you mean, it’s bad for me to rub my eyes? Have you ever done it? It’s nirvana to give your eyes a good rub.” “Yes,” he says, “but it also causes wrinkles. If you wanna look older, go ahead and rub away.”
OK. I give up. I’ll just go have a smoke, a drink, watch some mindless television and eat cheese doodles. Oh, wait…
‘Tis the Season
‘Tis the season, indeed!
The thing I love most about the holidays is not the presents, not the food (well, it’s kind of the food), not the spiked eggnog at the holiday parties (though that helps too) – it’s the joy of the season. As I get older, the holidays have taken on a different meaning. I used to thrive off of the tradition of going to both Christmas Eve services at my church, eating Chinese food with the Jewish side of the family, and then opening one present from under the tree. I’ve since ceased my once-a-year church-going operations, and while I still try maintain the Chinese food tradition, it’s hard now that I’ve moved away from Atlanta.
I have, however, totally and completely encompassed myself in the full-on spirit of the holidays. Not just Christmas, but everything that each December holiday brings – joy, kindness, good will, patience, smiles, singing, purity, etc.
I acknowledge that there are scrooges out there, and I also acknowledge that in the past, up until Christmas Eve, I was a scrooge myself. But these days I can barely wait for Thanksgiving because I am dying to put up my 1 ft. tall Target Christmas tree as soon as it’s over! It’s funny how decorations can make you happy like that. But the thing is, who cares? Who cares what it is about this season that makes us happy? For many, it is the presents, or the cookies, or the spiked eggnog that is only socially acceptable to drink once a year, and so be it! Let’s all find joy in whatever way we can to fully embrace the holidays! It doesn’t even have to be for a reason. I honestly have no idea why I’ve been on cloud nine during this season, other than why not? Why not be especially friendly with people on the street, saying “Happy holidays” as you pay for your morning coffee, or as you hold the door open for someone. And then, here’s a novel idea, why not continue this kindness throughout the year? Hey, there’s a thought! Let the holiday spirit spill into the new year, because let’s be honest – there’s a holiday in almost every month of the year, whether it’s Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, or Fourth of July, or even Columbus Day – there’s always some sort of “holiday” that should carry on with that joy and kindness that we feel in December. So here it is, my proclamation for 2011: Let the joy not be confined to a specific season, but to a specific reason. And the reason is, why not?
'Tis the Season
‘Tis the season, indeed!
The thing I love most about the holidays is not the presents, not the food (well, it’s kind of the food), not the spiked eggnog at the holiday parties (though that helps too) – it’s the joy of the season. As I get older, the holidays have taken on a different meaning. I used to thrive off of the tradition of going to both Christmas Eve services at my church, eating Chinese food with the Jewish side of the family, and then opening one present from under the tree. I’ve since ceased my once-a-year church-going operations, and while I still try maintain the Chinese food tradition, it’s hard now that I’ve moved away from Atlanta.
I have, however, totally and completely encompassed myself in the full-on spirit of the holidays. Not just Christmas, but everything that each December holiday brings – joy, kindness, good will, patience, smiles, singing, purity, etc.
I acknowledge that there are scrooges out there, and I also acknowledge that in the past, up until Christmas Eve, I was a scrooge myself. But these days I can barely wait for Thanksgiving because I am dying to put up my 1 ft. tall Target Christmas tree as soon as it’s over! It’s funny how decorations can make you happy like that. But the thing is, who cares? Who cares what it is about this season that makes us happy? For many, it is the presents, or the cookies, or the spiked eggnog that is only socially acceptable to drink once a year, and so be it! Let’s all find joy in whatever way we can to fully embrace the holidays! It doesn’t even have to be for a reason. I honestly have no idea why I’ve been on cloud nine during this season, other than why not? Why not be especially friendly with people on the street, saying “Happy holidays” as you pay for your morning coffee, or as you hold the door open for someone. And then, here’s a novel idea, why not continue this kindness throughout the year? Hey, there’s a thought! Let the holiday spirit spill into the new year, because let’s be honest – there’s a holiday in almost every month of the year, whether it’s Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, or Fourth of July, or even Columbus Day – there’s always some sort of “holiday” that should carry on with that joy and kindness that we feel in December. So here it is, my proclamation for 2011: Let the joy not be confined to a specific season, but to a specific reason. And the reason is, why not?
-
The Joy Factor
Welcome fellow Happiness Pioneers! You've come to the right place if you are looking to raise your Joy Factor. My vision is for everyone to live a life aligned with their passions and full of joy. The intention of this site is to offer you juicy nuggets that will increase your experience of joy and delight. Take a look around, grab something yummy and share the joy.
Follow Me
Joy Posse
Bernadette Peters (8)
Corinne Chaves (6)
Deb Cooperman (9)Derek Nowatzki (9)
Dr. Andy Vantreese (7)
Erica Burns (6)Fran Asaro (8)
Juliette Mansour (10)
Michelle Goss (7)
Rebecca Ewing (15)
Sandra Kellim (6)Sherry Wheat (2)
Tamara McElhannon (8)Tracey Lynne (3)
Tricia Molloy (12)
Trish Carr (13)
Wendy Watkins (78)