Bad to the Bone
Why is it that the things we get the most joy from are labeled “bad for you”? Sometimes I feel like a player on the game show, “You Can’t Win!” I know you can relate…
It’s been cold. No, really cold. Snow is falling in places it doesn’t normally fall, warm, sunny locales are bundled up with the heat on for the first time in eons, and the only way I can get warm is with a long hot shower. Oh. Hot showers are bad for you? C’mon, you’re kidding me, right? I am cold to the bone and covering up with clothes doesn’t do it. Yes, I’m all layered up: t-shirt, shirt, sweater, jacket, hat, gloves, scarf, you name it – I’m wearing it.
And a long hot shower always does the trick. Warms me all the way through, makes me feel finally comfortable. Then I turn on the news and what do I see? Hot showers are bad for your skin, hot water causes you to age more quickly, causes dry, itchy skin. Hmm…itchy, dry skin or freezing cold to the bone? Such a dilemma.
So I go make a cup of coffee. That’ll warm me up. No wait, caffeine is bad for you. I’ll have decaf. No wait, they decaffeinate using a chemical process that’s linked to cancer (What isn’t linked to cancer?) Fine. I’ll heat up some soup. OMG, the soup has sodium and all kinds of preservatives. What to do, what to do?
As I rub my eyes to clear my head, my husband says, “Don’t rub your eyes, it’s bad for you.” I think to myself, “Again?” I’m bristling now. “What do you mean, it’s bad for me to rub my eyes? Have you ever done it? It’s nirvana to give your eyes a good rub.” “Yes,” he says, “but it also causes wrinkles. If you wanna look older, go ahead and rub away.”
OK. I give up. I’ll just go have a smoke, a drink, watch some mindless television and eat cheese doodles. Oh, wait…
ChoiceFULL
This is the time of year when many of us coaches ask our clients to choose a theme for the upcoming year and to reflect upon the one from the current year. If you aren’t familiar with using themes, here’s the basic idea: choose a topic to explore and hold as a focus for growth throughout the year.
My theme for 2010 was Conscious Choice and it was a doozey! I learned about what happens when I pretend not to have choice, as in pretending I’m a victim. I confronted my reluctance to take 100% responsibility for 100% of my choices, learning at a deeper level that not choosing really is a choice. At every turn I could see my willingness or refusal to choose, and the resulting consequences.
I recently found this quote by Erica Jong:
“Take your life in your own hands and what happens? A terrible thing: no one to blame!”
That made me laugh. See, I really didn’t think I was big on blame….. Let’s just say, there were some blind spots to illuminate.
Conscious Choice required that I not blame, that I live an excuse-free life, and that I be honest with my self and my loved ones about my preferences. I was inspired by a scene from the TV series, Friends:
Joey : Pheebs, you wanna help?
Phoebe : Oh, I wish I could, but I really don’t want to.
I haven’t yet reached Phoebe’s level of blunt boldness, but I have gained the courage to say no, without explanation or apology, when unwarranted. I have stopped using work as the fall guy for why I “couldn’t” do this or that. And, at the very least, I’m telling myself the truth about my choices, working to banish “can’t” and “have to” from my vocabulary, replacing them with “will” or “won’t”. This takes more guts than I ever anticipated back in December of 2009!
It’s humbling.
Holding my feet to the fire of Conscious Choice for these last 11-1/2 months yielded some wonderful benefits: strengthening my integrity and bringing me a new level of personal power and peace. Not sure what I’ll choose for 2010, but I promise it will be a conscious choice!
Taking My Foot off the Gas Pedal
Slow down, you move too fast.
You got to make the morning last.
Just kicking down the cobble stones.
Looking for fun and feelin’ groovy.
The 59th Street Bridge Song (Feeling Groovy) by Simon and Garfunkel
When I am driving somewhere that I have never been before, I have to admit, I can get anal about having to have directions to get there. Matt is the opposite, he is okay with having some kind of directions, trusting that we will eventually arrive at our destination.
This can be frustrated when you hold a belief that life is about the journey, not the destination. If that is so, then why are directions so darn important to me? It could be because I am such a visionary that without direction, I lose focus and travel round and round without making headway. Would it be so bad if I made a few “wrong turns” on my way to the next thing that I am creating in my life? It depends on the perspective that I choose.
If I end up going in a direction that is different than I anticipated, and I decide that it is an adventure, then the journey is enjoyable and I am open to possibilities. If I deem that turn to be wrong and I beat myself up about it, the first steps to choosing a less than joyful perspective have started and it is all downhill from there.
Enjoying the journey is a matter of noticing the perspectives that we get to choose each and every day. One of my life lessons is to slow down, so I can make the conscious choices that bring joy. When I am moving to fast, it is easy to make unconscious choices and wonder where the joy went.
Try taking your foot off of the gas today and choose the perspective that you want to see the world from. Enjoy the view and the journey.
The Gift of Letting Go of Attachment
A walk on the beach with my Aunt Nancy in Northern CA, spurred this delicious Bite of Joy!
Joy Comes in Different Packages
Have you ever seen someone who looks really happy? You know the type of person you want to be around because they are fun and exciting and you want their energy ALL over you. Maybe you even hope that one day you can have as much joy as that person. Wow, what would it take to be that happy?
First of all, most likely that person is that happy because they choose to be. It’s not because life is better for them then it is for you. It’s just a decision they made to bring out the joy in their experiences.
Second of all, not all people who have joy, wear it on their sleeves. Some have a very subdued joy. The type where life is good, and yet, they don’t need to be so overt about it. Somehow though you can sense that they have it anyway. Sort of like the difference between those who flash their money when they are rich and those who have money but are very discreet about it. You can tell they have a certain dignity and maturity about their wealth. Well the same goes for joy. Neither are right or wrong. Just different ways to display the same thing.
Having a subdued level of joy can be more rewarding for some, especially as they get older. Not having to bounce off the walls to tell the world you are happy is a nice feeling. You can harness that joy and bring it inward. Not to be stingy, but to emanate it – to be a walking demonstration of inner, pure and collective joy.
So for today, know that joy comes in different packages. We get to share ours any way that seems to fit – just make sure you share it. Because the world needs your joy.
Happy Friday
Enthusiastically,
Fran
Jumping for Joy!
Every morning, when I let my dog Eli out in the yard, he jumps for joy, literally. He flies through the air, with a big smile on his face. He seems to be greeting each day with much glee and enthusiasm. He then pokes around, does his business and relaxes in the yard until I bring him in or a squirrel riles him up. His morning ritual got me thinking about the power of starting each day by “jumping for joy”.
I know some people feel more like Joanne Sherman, published children author, about mornings. She says, “I have a carpe diem mug and truthfully, at 6 in the morning, the words do not make me want to sieze the day. They make me want to slap a dead poet.” I get it, mornings are not for everyone.
I know that when I take time in the morning, give myself space and choose to have a good day, then the day seems to roll along a bit smoother. Monica Baldwin, a British nun’s perspective on morning speaks to this. ”The moment when you wake up in the morning is the most wonderful of the 24 hours. No matter how weary or dreary you feel, you posess the certainty that, during the day that lies before you, absolutely anything may happen. And the fact that it practically always doesn’t, matters not a jot. The possibility is always there.”
The 80/20 rule states that the first 20% of any experience sets the tone for the next 80%. If that is so, then why do we sometimes choose to rush through our morning and choose stress over joy? I know how tempting the snooze can be and I also know how rewarding those extra ten minutes are when I stumble out to sit on the sofa with my yummy cup of coffee and visualize what the day has in store for me. This type of morning self -care is what can raise your Joy Factor and have you jumping for joy.
If you want, you can come over and jump through the yard with Eli!
Chop Chop
| Chop chop (chŏp’chŏp’) |
adv. Informal
Right away; quickly.
Back when I spent my days chauffeuring willing minds to guitar, piano, soccer and ballet, I would sometimes get in a bit of a hurry to get out the door. To encourage a speedy exit by all, I would clap my hands together twice and say, “Chop, chop!” It was instinctual for me to say this peppy command combined with my mid-air hand clapping. It seemed happy. It was efficient and fun, right? While it was meant to motivate and rally, it would often stop my children right in their tracks so that they could give me their mouth-hanging-open “really?” look. They hated it. For some reason that only a therapist could unearth, this was a tough one for me to give up. I knew it was unpopular. I knew it didn’t work, and yet it would fly right out of my mouth and my hands would whip up before I could stop them. It had the same unpleasant effect, every time. I did eventually learn to let this rally cry go. My kids still tease me about it.
Still, I had the soul of a chopper. Eventually, I learned to satisfy the urge through the kinder, gentler, meditative sound of my knife hitting the chopping block when I prepared a meal for my family. I can provide nourishment instead of negativity. It’s easy for me to lose myself in the repetitive motion and the delicious aromas of fresh herbs and garden vegetables. A little music, a little wine….
I still have to resist the urge to go into “chop chop” mode. It’s not who I want to be. I know now that I can accomplish things and live a pretty fabulous life without marching in and directly the troops. In the end, the things that need to get done will get done. All is well.
One Size Fits All
That label has always given me a rise. How can that be true? I can see if it said, one size fits most or one size fits some. The only place that I see where one size fits all is around choosing to be joyful. Read more
Crash!
Last week I was driving past a bunch of kids playing in a playground. They were having so much fun! As I was passing them, I watched a little boy, about 4 or 5 years old, crash his tricycle into the fence. It was hard to tell if he couldn’t stop, or if he was intentionally looking to bounce off of the fence. When I looked back, from the red light that stopped me, I saw that he got up, dusted himself off and got right back on his tricycle.
That kid inspired me and reminded me that there are times in our lives that we are going to “crash”. At that point, we have a choice. Do we get up, dust our knees off and keep going? Or, do we stop a minute, access the damage and make choices accordingly?
The key to raising your Joy Factor, so that you are living a life that you are madly in love with, is to be conscious about your choices. There is no right or wrong-only what is. If you can bounce back up like one of those weebles, remember them? Weebles wobble, but they don’t fall down. Take what you can from the experience and move on.
Everytime we are stopped on our paths, it is for a reason. Opportunities to make sure we are going in the right direction are presented to us again and again. When these choices arise, I invite you to use the components of the Joy Factor to support you in deciding what your next steps are. Is it in alignment with your Passions and Purpose, your Authentic Self? Does it support your commitment to Self Care and Strategic Optimism? Look there and then choose what your next steps are. In the meantime, look out for fences and remember to use your brakes-sometimes slowing down will prevent that crash! That is a another conversation for another day.
With conscious joyful awareness,
Wendy
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The Joy Factor
Welcome fellow Happiness Pioneers! You've come to the right place if you are looking to raise your Joy Factor. My vision is for everyone to live a life aligned with their passions and full of joy. The intention of this site is to offer you juicy nuggets that will increase your experience of joy and delight. Take a look around, grab something yummy and share the joy.
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