A Year of Living Generously
I have a confession. I feel happy to shut the door on 2010. I am eager to move on from this year. It was twelve months of rough and tumble stuff. After a challenging twelve months, asking for an upgraded experience next year feels a little like stepping up to a Craps table in Vegas… C’mon, 2011!
I was thinking about this and I realized that I turn 50 next year. I had to ask my (mildly?) vain self how I could tackle 50 and stay away from the grumpiness and angst that sometimes accompanies a milestone birthday. How can I make next year a truly great year? So I came up with a plan. Happiness studies show that people who give back are much more content than those who don’t. I am a pretty helpful sort, but there has never been any real structure around it. So here’s my pledge: In the year 2011 I will do 50 things to help someone else. At my advanced age, that averages out to almost one good deed a week, but I am up for the challenge. It might be as simple as buying the guy behind me in line at Starbucks a cup of coffee. It might be an all-day park clean up. I don’t know exactly how this will take shape. It’s exciting and I feel a little peppy just thinking about it. I will report my progress on this fabulous blog. Being very intentional with this year long adventure may prove to be quite fun. I invite any and all to join me on this journey.
It feels like less of gamble already.
Don’t Let the Bast**ds Get You Down!
Ever wonder why despite the ups and downs you continue doing what you do? Why you continue the daily grind, sometimes seeing little in return? Me too. Sometimes I think, “Why am I busting my a** doing this?” Where’s the reward? And then something magical happens to remind me…
It’s our big, annual event, the Prosperity Conference & Expo, a two-day coming together of like-minded, positive, success-oriented people joining forces with the express purpose of building our businesses and building our lives. A lineup of success speakers, millionaire mentors and victim to victory triumphs meant to inspire, educate and motivate. And the ultimate goal – to change lives. Marianne Williamson, author of “Return to Love” among other “Course in Miracles” based books said:
“Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, our greatest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”
That’s the goal of the Prosperity Conference – to demolish fear so that we embrace our power and use it to make our world not just better, but the best we can make it.
This year was the pinnacle. This year the breakthroughs were extraordinary. People sought me out the entire weekend to share their Ah-Ha Moments, the perfect partnerships they created, their epiphanies, that one thing they needed to see, hear, feel that’s now taking them to the next level. It was magical. Really, magical.
They reminded me that the time, effort, energy and work required to make the conference happen was beyond worth it. Putting on an event for hundreds of people is a major undertaking: selling tickets, managing speakers, enrolling volunteers, on and on and on…it was easy to get lost in the details and forget what I was working toward.
I’m changing my world even though I don’t always see it right away. So are you. In every person you touch, you change your piece of the world. You may not have a big annual event to provide immediate testimony, but you are changing your world nevertheless. What’s your vision, your dream? Look right now at your day to day, remind yourself of your vision, your passion, your dream. Keep going. There’s no feeling in the world like accomplishing what you set out to accomplish. It’s magical, it’s powerful and it’s joyful!
Don't Let the Bast**ds Get You Down!
Ever wonder why despite the ups and downs you continue doing what you do? Why you continue the daily grind, sometimes seeing little in return? Me too. Sometimes I think, “Why am I busting my a** doing this?” Where’s the reward? And then something magical happens to remind me…
It’s our big, annual event, the Prosperity Conference & Expo, a two-day coming together of like-minded, positive, success-oriented people joining forces with the express purpose of building our businesses and building our lives. A lineup of success speakers, millionaire mentors and victim to victory triumphs meant to inspire, educate and motivate. And the ultimate goal – to change lives. Marianne Williamson, author of “Return to Love” among other “Course in Miracles” based books said:
“Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, our greatest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”
That’s the goal of the Prosperity Conference – to demolish fear so that we embrace our power and use it to make our world not just better, but the best we can make it.
This year was the pinnacle. This year the breakthroughs were extraordinary. People sought me out the entire weekend to share their Ah-Ha Moments, the perfect partnerships they created, their epiphanies, that one thing they needed to see, hear, feel that’s now taking them to the next level. It was magical. Really, magical.
They reminded me that the time, effort, energy and work required to make the conference happen was beyond worth it. Putting on an event for hundreds of people is a major undertaking: selling tickets, managing speakers, enrolling volunteers, on and on and on…it was easy to get lost in the details and forget what I was working toward.
I’m changing my world even though I don’t always see it right away. So are you. In every person you touch, you change your piece of the world. You may not have a big annual event to provide immediate testimony, but you are changing your world nevertheless. What’s your vision, your dream? Look right now at your day to day, remind yourself of your vision, your passion, your dream. Keep going. There’s no feeling in the world like accomplishing what you set out to accomplish. It’s magical, it’s powerful and it’s joyful!
Make It Up As You Go Along
How in the world do we get all the wisdom that we have by the time we are up in years? Where did we get the data, the rules, the wherewithal to become the person we are becoming?
Some of us follow someone else’s advice. We follow what we are told will provide the way. Then there are those of us who make it all up as we go along. We get to decide what type of human being we want to be, what type of parent and what type of boss or employee we wish to become. Sometimes we don’t realize it but actually we are the ones who get to choose throughout our entire lives, the quality of it, and the joy that we experience. Yes we are that powerful.
I find myself during challenging times thinking, ‘how did I get myself in this circumstance?” and then I realize that nothing happens without my participation. So I choose again. I make up a new path, a new routine, and yes even a new way of being so that my life continues to unfold into my ideal.
One time I decided I was worth more than I was making. I made up a new acceptable income for myself. Within a year I had reached it. I have also made up my own attitude about every day occurrences. I made up that it all turns into gold anyway so why not be in the best spirit I can be while I am faced with hurdles.
Life is a game as they say. This alone makes it fun, but when it becomes YOUR game and you know you get to make it all up as you go along, imagine how alive it feels.
Affirmation for today: I am the designer of my life. I create it from this day forward.
Enthusiastically,
Fran
He was that guy.
This was the guy that volunteered to help families in Africa, taught autistic children, cheerfully did dishes and stirred the soup when he was over for dinner. He was naturally polite, kind and funny. I used to joke that he was so wonderful that when he smiled we had to protect our eyes from the sparkling reflection. We knew something fun was going to happen when he bounded through the door. He organized the night that a bunch of kids, including my daughter, slept in a car piled on top of each other like puppies waiting for the annual REI sale to begin. They stocked up on the gear they needed to go out there and experience nature at its finest.
Once, when she was describing him to me my daughter said, “Mom, he was “that” guy for me.” He was the guy who showed her what it was like to be in a truly safe relationship. He held her hand gently, opened her car door, brushed the hair from her eyes and looked at her with such kindness and respect that I will always be grateful to him as a mother. He set the bar high.
In April, he passed away in a rock climbing accident. It is months later and we are still trying to make sense of it. He had a beautiful relationship with God and this comforts us all.
He embraced life with a ridiculous amount of enthusiasm and joy. The life he lived reminds me to be present and enjoy the simple stuff. I appreciate the opportunity to laugh loud, sing badly and contemplate the clouds in the sky. My daughter, who is slowly healing, feels the same way. She has made changes in her life so that she is really doing what she loves most and not wasting a single second. She has said that she wants to live her life in a way that will make him proud. Once again, I am grateful.
Thank you, Josh. We miss you very much.
The Joy Diet
This post is the continuation of A Moment of Grace, describing my journey from despair to breakthrough.
Since that breakthrough, my thoughts and attitudes towards my body have radically changed. The mean-spiritedness and disgust that pervaded my relationship with my body are virtually gone. Of course, sometimes I still think some of the old thoughts (i.e., “You need to loose 10 pounds by tomorrow!”); but I can’t take them seriously. Only a crazy person would.
Another wonderful thing happened: buried in the rubble of my past relationship with my body, I found a positive memory and experience that is fueling my new life.
Flash back to 1992:
Pregnant, I feel free in my body for the first time. Unconcerned with my weight, I am proud of my growing belly. I eat in alignment with what my body needs by really listening. This is a foreign but welcome practice. I marvel at the cellular and systemic intelligence that it requires no bullying or trickery from me. I feel a truly joyful partnership with my body!
This memory inspires me and leads me to the present-day Joy Diet. One based on partnership and rooted in love. It requires that I slow down enough to really listen to my body (and not my mind’s idea of what my body wants or needs!). I regularly ask, “What will bring me the most joy?”
Sometimes it’s exercise such as biking or walking. Sometimes a nap, or sharing a bowl of ice cream with my husband. This joy diet is powerful and real only when I’m in the present moment — rather than pining for a smaller dress size in my future. The result is a profound sense of happiness.
How humbling and ironic that all those years when I was chasing happiness in a dress size … all along it was patiently waiting for me, right here.
What do you suppose is waiting right here for you? My invitation to you is is this: for the next 30 days ask your body this question and follow its true answer:
What will bring me the most joy?
Riding through discomfort
Most of us want to go in the direction of what we have envisioned, what we want for our lives. Most of us want to be happy, successful, and healthy. When we end up going where we don’t want to go, we assume something is wrong or someone made us take a wrong turn. Does that mean we are robbed of our joy? Does joy disappear when things seem “wrong”?
What if nothing’s wrong? What if joy is still breathing underneath, but life is designed to give us a few challenges so that we learn to navigate reality as the continuum of ebb and flow? What if it just takes something major to wake us up, to shake us up so we see how we were blocked from letting joy work for us?
It’s a humbling experience when we can climb out of the bottom of the hole, sit on the periphery and gaze over the big picture. By the same token, it can soothe our ruffled feathers and remind us that there is so much more going on in our galaxy than the issue with this person at work or that person at home. It’s then we can understand that our joy is still very much alive, using our daily experiences and challenges to expand. This awareness keeps makes us larger than our minds and lightens things up.
Can we see discomfort as a gift offering growth and something better? Bearing witness to that discomfort and how we respond (or react) can impede joy or welcome it in. Joy is out there regardless of whether or not we let it in. During the discomfort, we can trust that there is an ebb and flow to lead us to the other side. And on the other side, we will evolve and grow with more courage – because we held onto trust.
it’s a beautiful day (in the hospital)
This spring, I went to the hospital for some big-time surgery. When I awoke and learned that I didn’t have cancer – as my doctor thought I did (yee ha) – the recovery, even with several bumps in the road, became a great opportunity to practice turning up the volume on joy.
Getting up and walking around the day after having my belly sliced was a requirement for healing, but it wasn’t an easy thing. Somehow, re-writing the lyrics to Diana Ross’ I’m Coming Out and singing them each time I did (I’m getting … up. I’m inching off the bed, shufflin’ cross the floor … ) helped. Eating the pudding they served with lunch did too. (Hospital food is notoriously bad, but pudding is almost always good.)
Hospital Fun
A few days after being discharged, I wound in the emergency room with a high fever/infection. My sister went with me, and as we waited for tests, and then for the results (dragging on until the wee hours of the morning) she took photos on her cell phone commemorating the adventure. One of the residents looked in on us as we were giggling and snapping photos saying: You are far too upbeat for someone with a 102 fever. I replied: Doc, I don’t have cancer; this is nothing.
Later, waiting for an MRI on a gurney in a hallway, I heard U2 pumping out of a radiologists’ office: It’s a beautiful day … don’t let it get away, and I bobbed my head in a makeshift dance. An attendant gave me a quizzical look as he came to wheel me into the room. Dancing? he laughed. How can you resist this song? I replied. He slowed down, listened and said, Yeah, I guess it is a beautiful day.
Even though I wound up having to be admitted to the hospital for three more days to fight the infection, friends brought magazines, I listened to plenty of great music on my iPod, wrote out my gratitude in my journal… and ate plenty of pudding.
While I’m sure it would’ve been a whole lot harder to be joyful if the surgery had gone another way, or if the docs didn’t get to the bottom of the infection quickly, still, with this experience, I saw clearly that when the going gets tough, choosing to be goofy, upbeat and joy-filled really can be the sugar that makes the medicine go down.
( … now, don’t let it get away, this beautiful day …)
it's a beautiful day (in the hospital)
This spring, I went to the hospital for some big-time surgery. When I awoke and learned that I didn’t have cancer – as my doctor thought I did (yee ha) – the recovery, even with several bumps in the road, became a great opportunity to practice turning up the volume on joy.
Getting up and walking around the day after having my belly sliced was a requirement for healing, but it wasn’t an easy thing. Somehow, re-writing the lyrics to Diana Ross’ I’m Coming Out and singing them each time I did (I’m getting … up. I’m inching off the bed, shufflin’ cross the floor … ) helped. Eating the pudding they served with lunch did too. (Hospital food is notoriously bad, but pudding is almost always good.)
Hospital Fun
A few days after being discharged, I wound in the emergency room with a high fever/infection. My sister went with me, and as we waited for tests, and then for the results (dragging on until the wee hours of the morning) she took photos on her cell phone commemorating the adventure. One of the residents looked in on us as we were giggling and snapping photos saying: You are far too upbeat for someone with a 102 fever. I replied: Doc, I don’t have cancer; this is nothing.
Later, waiting for an MRI on a gurney in a hallway, I heard U2 pumping out of a radiologists’ office: It’s a beautiful day … don’t let it get away, and I bobbed my head in a makeshift dance. An attendant gave me a quizzical look as he came to wheel me into the room. Dancing? he laughed. How can you resist this song? I replied. He slowed down, listened and said, Yeah, I guess it is a beautiful day.
Even though I wound up having to be admitted to the hospital for three more days to fight the infection, friends brought magazines, I listened to plenty of great music on my iPod, wrote out my gratitude in my journal… and ate plenty of pudding.
While I’m sure it would’ve been a whole lot harder to be joyful if the surgery had gone another way, or if the docs didn’t get to the bottom of the infection quickly, still, with this experience, I saw clearly that when the going gets tough, choosing to be goofy, upbeat and joy-filled really can be the sugar that makes the medicine go down.
( … now, don’t let it get away, this beautiful day …)
Finding Joy
Finding Joy
Is it under the bed? In the fridge? Does my boyfriend have it? Or did my niece feed it to the dog? Where is my joy? Could it be that I lost it? Heaven help me, please! I WANT MY JOY BACK!”
I hear a mysterious voice: “ When you recognize that the life you are living, is happiness, you find joy”.
Really? I happen to be at a challenging moment in my life. My mother is living with Alzheimer’s disease, my father recently passed away and my siblings are fighting over furniture… FURNITURE!
Sigh…. If that’s so, then I need to look at my challenges in a different light:
My mother has Alzheimer’s – That’s a sad thing, really sad, but the truth is I have a warmer, closer relationship with her these days. This disease, the stage it’s in, has given her a sense of peace and contentment. She doesn’t sweat the small stuff. I’m actually learning good things from her.
My father’s recent death -– I’m still waiting for him to materialize in ghost form with words of wisdom. I worked with my dad closely over the last two years and I am grateful for that time. His health was bad and even though I miss him terribly, it was time for him to pass. He is definitely at peace now. But really, Dad, can’t you just pop into one of my dreams? It’s time for a visit!
My five siblings– I credit my daily dose of positive talk radio for my current sanity. My mantra: Feed your mind; good in results in good out. It’s been hard to refrain from diving into the mosh pit but I have. I keep telling myself “Be kind, be kind, be kind,” even when someone is not kind to you.” Hard to do… but it’s working. I can’t believe how well it’s working! I still want to snap sometimes, but I’ve got it under control, and I think I’m building stronger relationships with those greedy little siblings.
Okay mysterious voice, and now my muse, you have a point. Joy lives in everything. Sometimes you have to search for joy, but it’s always there waiting for you to find it.
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The Joy Factor
Welcome fellow Happiness Pioneers! You've come to the right place if you are looking to raise your Joy Factor. My vision is for everyone to live a life aligned with their passions and full of joy. The intention of this site is to offer you juicy nuggets that will increase your experience of joy and delight. Take a look around, grab something yummy and share the joy.
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Bernadette Peters (8)
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Deb Cooperman (9)Derek Nowatzki (9)
Dr. Andy Vantreese (7)
Erica Burns (6)Fran Asaro (8)
Juliette Mansour (10)
Michelle Goss (7)
Rebecca Ewing (15)
Sandra Kellim (6)Sherry Wheat (2)
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