A Year of Living Generously
I have a confession. I feel happy to shut the door on 2010. I am eager to move on from this year. It was twelve months of rough and tumble stuff. After a challenging twelve months, asking for an upgraded experience next year feels a little like stepping up to a Craps table in Vegas… C’mon, 2011!
I was thinking about this and I realized that I turn 50 next year. I had to ask my (mildly?) vain self how I could tackle 50 and stay away from the grumpiness and angst that sometimes accompanies a milestone birthday. How can I make next year a truly great year? So I came up with a plan. Happiness studies show that people who give back are much more content than those who don’t. I am a pretty helpful sort, but there has never been any real structure around it. So here’s my pledge: In the year 2011 I will do 50 things to help someone else. At my advanced age, that averages out to almost one good deed a week, but I am up for the challenge. It might be as simple as buying the guy behind me in line at Starbucks a cup of coffee. It might be an all-day park clean up. I don’t know exactly how this will take shape. It’s exciting and I feel a little peppy just thinking about it. I will report my progress on this fabulous blog. Being very intentional with this year long adventure may prove to be quite fun. I invite any and all to join me on this journey.
It feels like less of gamble already.
Bad to the Bone
Why is it that the things we get the most joy from are labeled “bad for you”? Sometimes I feel like a player on the game show, “You Can’t Win!” I know you can relate…
It’s been cold. No, really cold. Snow is falling in places it doesn’t normally fall, warm, sunny locales are bundled up with the heat on for the first time in eons, and the only way I can get warm is with a long hot shower. Oh. Hot showers are bad for you? C’mon, you’re kidding me, right? I am cold to the bone and covering up with clothes doesn’t do it. Yes, I’m all layered up: t-shirt, shirt, sweater, jacket, hat, gloves, scarf, you name it – I’m wearing it.
And a long hot shower always does the trick. Warms me all the way through, makes me feel finally comfortable. Then I turn on the news and what do I see? Hot showers are bad for your skin, hot water causes you to age more quickly, causes dry, itchy skin. Hmm…itchy, dry skin or freezing cold to the bone? Such a dilemma.
So I go make a cup of coffee. That’ll warm me up. No wait, caffeine is bad for you. I’ll have decaf. No wait, they decaffeinate using a chemical process that’s linked to cancer (What isn’t linked to cancer?) Fine. I’ll heat up some soup. OMG, the soup has sodium and all kinds of preservatives. What to do, what to do?
As I rub my eyes to clear my head, my husband says, “Don’t rub your eyes, it’s bad for you.” I think to myself, “Again?” I’m bristling now. “What do you mean, it’s bad for me to rub my eyes? Have you ever done it? It’s nirvana to give your eyes a good rub.” “Yes,” he says, “but it also causes wrinkles. If you wanna look older, go ahead and rub away.”
OK. I give up. I’ll just go have a smoke, a drink, watch some mindless television and eat cheese doodles. Oh, wait…
The Joy Diet
This post is the continuation of A Moment of Grace, describing my journey from despair to breakthrough.
Since that breakthrough, my thoughts and attitudes towards my body have radically changed. The mean-spiritedness and disgust that pervaded my relationship with my body are virtually gone. Of course, sometimes I still think some of the old thoughts (i.e., “You need to loose 10 pounds by tomorrow!”); but I can’t take them seriously. Only a crazy person would.
Another wonderful thing happened: buried in the rubble of my past relationship with my body, I found a positive memory and experience that is fueling my new life.
Flash back to 1992:
Pregnant, I feel free in my body for the first time. Unconcerned with my weight, I am proud of my growing belly. I eat in alignment with what my body needs by really listening. This is a foreign but welcome practice. I marvel at the cellular and systemic intelligence that it requires no bullying or trickery from me. I feel a truly joyful partnership with my body!
This memory inspires me and leads me to the present-day Joy Diet. One based on partnership and rooted in love. It requires that I slow down enough to really listen to my body (and not my mind’s idea of what my body wants or needs!). I regularly ask, “What will bring me the most joy?”
Sometimes it’s exercise such as biking or walking. Sometimes a nap, or sharing a bowl of ice cream with my husband. This joy diet is powerful and real only when I’m in the present moment — rather than pining for a smaller dress size in my future. The result is a profound sense of happiness.
How humbling and ironic that all those years when I was chasing happiness in a dress size … all along it was patiently waiting for me, right here.
What do you suppose is waiting right here for you? My invitation to you is is this: for the next 30 days ask your body this question and follow its true answer:
What will bring me the most joy?
Chop Chop
| Chop chop (chŏp’chŏp’) |
adv. Informal
Right away; quickly.
Back when I spent my days chauffeuring willing minds to guitar, piano, soccer and ballet, I would sometimes get in a bit of a hurry to get out the door. To encourage a speedy exit by all, I would clap my hands together twice and say, “Chop, chop!” It was instinctual for me to say this peppy command combined with my mid-air hand clapping. It seemed happy. It was efficient and fun, right? While it was meant to motivate and rally, it would often stop my children right in their tracks so that they could give me their mouth-hanging-open “really?” look. They hated it. For some reason that only a therapist could unearth, this was a tough one for me to give up. I knew it was unpopular. I knew it didn’t work, and yet it would fly right out of my mouth and my hands would whip up before I could stop them. It had the same unpleasant effect, every time. I did eventually learn to let this rally cry go. My kids still tease me about it.
Still, I had the soul of a chopper. Eventually, I learned to satisfy the urge through the kinder, gentler, meditative sound of my knife hitting the chopping block when I prepared a meal for my family. I can provide nourishment instead of negativity. It’s easy for me to lose myself in the repetitive motion and the delicious aromas of fresh herbs and garden vegetables. A little music, a little wine….
I still have to resist the urge to go into “chop chop” mode. It’s not who I want to be. I know now that I can accomplish things and live a pretty fabulous life without marching in and directly the troops. In the end, the things that need to get done will get done. All is well.
Slowing Down
I have been traveling down the highway of life at breakneck speeds. I love going fast. There is something about having the top down and the music loud and moving right along. I imagine that it gets me to where I want to go faster. I know this isn’t true, because there are many times that I have passed someone, only to see them at the next red light.
I remember being with my Dad, who also loves to drive fast, and enjoying the thrill and rush of accelerating. Now I am starting to wonder: What is driving me to get “there” so quickly? Is it the belief that there is so much to do and so little time? Is it the way I was raised and have always done it? What have I been missing?
The piece that is missing when we are going so fast is mindfulness. When we are mindful, we can restore calm, find balance and open our heart. Anybody want any of that?
At the end of the day it is kind of like thinking I should have had a V-8, I should have slowed down and enjoyed the moment. That is all that we really have. I saw an author speak – her name is Patty Digh – and she wrote an amazing book called Life is a Verb. It is based on the question, What if you had 37 days to live? For me, the answer would be to slow down and savor the moment. That is where the juice is; that is where the joy is; that is where I want to be. You? Even if I do get somewhere faster, it is in a state that is less than desirable, that frantic state. I will a more calm, even pace. But I will still have the top down and the music loud: “Effortlessly,” by Sister Hazel — check it out.
The Joy Factor
Welcome fellow Happiness Pioneers! You've come to the right place if you are looking to raise your Joy Factor. My vision is for everyone to live a life aligned with their passions and full of joy. The intention of this site is to offer you juicy nuggets that will increase your experience of joy and delight. Take a look around, grab something yummy and share the joy.
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