Riding through discomfort
Most of us want to go in the direction of what we have envisioned, what we want for our lives. Most of us want to be happy, successful, and healthy. When we end up going where we don’t want to go, we assume something is wrong or someone made us take a wrong turn. Does that mean we are robbed of our joy? Does joy disappear when things seem “wrong”?
What if nothing’s wrong? What if joy is still breathing underneath, but life is designed to give us a few challenges so that we learn to navigate reality as the continuum of ebb and flow? What if it just takes something major to wake us up, to shake us up so we see how we were blocked from letting joy work for us?
It’s a humbling experience when we can climb out of the bottom of the hole, sit on the periphery and gaze over the big picture. By the same token, it can soothe our ruffled feathers and remind us that there is so much more going on in our galaxy than the issue with this person at work or that person at home. It’s then we can understand that our joy is still very much alive, using our daily experiences and challenges to expand. This awareness keeps makes us larger than our minds and lightens things up.
Can we see discomfort as a gift offering growth and something better? Bearing witness to that discomfort and how we respond (or react) can impede joy or welcome it in. Joy is out there regardless of whether or not we let it in. During the discomfort, we can trust that there is an ebb and flow to lead us to the other side. And on the other side, we will evolve and grow with more courage – because we held onto trust.
it’s a beautiful day (in the hospital)
This spring, I went to the hospital for some big-time surgery. When I awoke and learned that I didn’t have cancer – as my doctor thought I did (yee ha) – the recovery, even with several bumps in the road, became a great opportunity to practice turning up the volume on joy.
Getting up and walking around the day after having my belly sliced was a requirement for healing, but it wasn’t an easy thing. Somehow, re-writing the lyrics to Diana Ross’ I’m Coming Out and singing them each time I did (I’m getting … up. I’m inching off the bed, shufflin’ cross the floor … ) helped. Eating the pudding they served with lunch did too. (Hospital food is notoriously bad, but pudding is almost always good.)
Hospital Fun
A few days after being discharged, I wound in the emergency room with a high fever/infection. My sister went with me, and as we waited for tests, and then for the results (dragging on until the wee hours of the morning) she took photos on her cell phone commemorating the adventure. One of the residents looked in on us as we were giggling and snapping photos saying: You are far too upbeat for someone with a 102 fever. I replied: Doc, I don’t have cancer; this is nothing.
Later, waiting for an MRI on a gurney in a hallway, I heard U2 pumping out of a radiologists’ office: It’s a beautiful day … don’t let it get away, and I bobbed my head in a makeshift dance. An attendant gave me a quizzical look as he came to wheel me into the room. Dancing? he laughed. How can you resist this song? I replied. He slowed down, listened and said, Yeah, I guess it is a beautiful day.
Even though I wound up having to be admitted to the hospital for three more days to fight the infection, friends brought magazines, I listened to plenty of great music on my iPod, wrote out my gratitude in my journal… and ate plenty of pudding.
While I’m sure it would’ve been a whole lot harder to be joyful if the surgery had gone another way, or if the docs didn’t get to the bottom of the infection quickly, still, with this experience, I saw clearly that when the going gets tough, choosing to be goofy, upbeat and joy-filled really can be the sugar that makes the medicine go down.
( … now, don’t let it get away, this beautiful day …)
The Joyful You
I realize that I put too much emphasis on other people to create joy in my life. The result of this is mostly disappointment; not in others, but in myself. I create high expectations of how I think things should be. I attribute this to the fact that I am a control freak, and I envision scenarios of perfection in my little mind, and like a movie, I wish for them to play out perfectly on the first take.
Since this rarely happens – and let’s be honest – it never happens, because who can actually read my mind? So let me rephrase – since this never happens, I have made a point to redirect these expectations toward myself because then if I let myself down, then I only have myself to blame.
Living inside my own head can be exhausting. I have debates with myself about whether or not I am being fair in my disappointments in others, and whether or not I am in fact being reasonable, it’s moot because I can’t rely on someone else the way that I can create for myself what I need in life.
Sometimes wh
en I get upset in a situation, I will scratch any plans I had for the remainder of that day, rent a tear-jerking chick flick, veg out on the couch and cry until my face hurts. While sometimes that is very cathartic, it’s not fair to myself. Why allow that outside factor to affect what I have going on inside me? Instead, I am learning to do things just to spite those negative situations. Something bad happens to me one day? So I’ll go to the gym and work out extra hard, because I know I’ll feel better. Instead of eating a pizza for dinner, I’ll go ahead with the fresh salad I had planned, because food won’t make me feel better – I will make myself feel better. Mind over matter. Only I can bring the joy to myself that I need and deserve.
Eventually I will fully be able to practice what I preach and only look to myself for my daily doses of joy. And when I do find it in outside sources, that will be an added bonus to what I’ve already got going.
The Tide Goes In and The Tide Goes Out….
It is amazing how a walk on the beach can teach us so much. Enjoy!
Healing Happens
The first time I saw the “s**t happens” bumper sticker was twenty-some-odd years ago, on the back of a nearly-new, shiny, wrecked Camaro. The law of attraction in action.
I broke my wrist, two weeks after moving home, office and studio. At first it seemed like bad luck. It had been a hard move. I was dog-tired, running on empty. I had no choice but to rest. With long hours of sleep and naps in between, I began to feel a bit blessed, and for the first time in months, mentally refreshed.
The list of things I could not do sometimes felt endless. Tying the sash on my bathrobe took six, seven, eight or more tries. Cutting meat was not possible. Nor fastening my seatbelt (much less a bra.) But the things that were possible—if I could only figure out how—became adventurous and amusing. The left brain would say, “this can’t be done.” The right brain would counter, “How can I pull this off?” The night I opened a bottle of wine I was triumphant. It had taken 20 minutes.
Friends and family rallied. They brought food that could be opened, prepared and eaten with one hand. They helped me dress, wrote checks, and drove when I would feel too untethered without a seatbelt. They schlepped boxes, unpacked, and made my bed (putting on a fitted sheet with one hand could be an Olympic event,) put barrettes in my hair, and hung artwork. It’s hard to be grumpy or bitter when your heart is full of gratitude.
Healing happens. One day, the pinkie finger could push the “P” and “enter” keys. Soon after I could zip and snap the waistband of my trousers. Bending my palm back enough to hold a dollop of shampoo, then massaging it into my scalp, was glorious beyond words. Pulling the gearshift in my car from park to drive made me squirm with delight. Ten days later, I could push from drive to park. To pick up and put a carrot in my mouth? Oh, my. Finally I could not only hold, but use, a fork. And being able to write! To doodle! To journal. To sign my name IN CURSIVE. I was giddy with pride and relief.
Joy can come in a package so small that we overlook it, but rarely have I known joy any greater than being able to wash my hair and sign my name. Rebecca L. Ewing
Carpe diem
Affirmations with Jessica
The other day a friend of mine sent me a link to the best affirmation video I have seen. It has all of the components for manifesting what you want, which is the reason we use affirmations. Jessica, who is doing the affirmations, is looking in the mirror – the best place to affirm what you want for your life. The point of using affirmations is to state what you desire in a positive frame, such as, “my prosperity is growing.” This opens the door for prosperity to arrive.
Jessica states everything that she loves. Being in a place of gratitude is the best fertilizer for affirmations. She completes her high energy, joyful process in a minute or so and off she goes on her day.
Saying affirmations is just one piece of the puzzle. The secret to having your affirmations come true quickly is to make sure the atmosphere in which they are placed is fertile. Affirmations are very similar to seeds you plant. If you plant your seeds in bad soil, they will not grow very well. If you put them in good soil, they will be abundant. The more you choose thoughts that raise your Joy Factor, the quicker the affirmations will work.
Louise L. Hay, who is the grandmother of affirmations, says, “It takes some time to go from a seed to a full-grown plant. And so it is with affirmations – it takes some time from the first declaration to the final demonstration. Be patient!”
You do not have to wait any longer to see Jessica’s affirmation - watch and learn from a master.
Plan for Positivity!
I love food! When I am not eating, I am thinking about eating. If I did not exercise, I could easily weigh twice the amount I do now. Eating brings me joy. I am a lucky girl - my husband Matt does most of the cooking for us. We are a perfect match, because cooking brings him joy. When I do cook something, I use a recipe so I am assured to get the results I am looking for.
Strategic Optimism is the next ingredient to raise your Joy Factor. It is a strategy; a plan that will make sure that if you want to be optimistic, you will be. Being optimistic is easier said than done. With all of the negativity out there, you have to be confident in your belief that things will turn out well. Are you seeing the world through rose colored glasses or really dark sunglasses?
It begins with choosing to be optimistic. Each day you wake up with a clean slate. You determine what kind of day you are going to have. Life will give you rotten tomatoes at times, yet when you have a plan for your optimism, you have something to fall back on.
Kahlil Gibran says, “Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens to you.”
Choosing joy is a practice. The first time you make a soufflé, it may fall. The second time it will get a little easier. As you continue to practice being optimistic, it will get easier and you will start to reap the benefits of putting your attention on something positive. Which is more appealing to you, thinking about the best thing that can happen or the worst thing that can happen? Try both ways and see which leaves a better taste in your mouth. You can then decide which you want seconds of. Let the tasting begin……
One Size Fits All
That label has always given me a rise. How can that be true? I can see if it said, one size fits most or one size fits some. The only place that I see where one size fits all is around choosing to be joyful. Read more
Cleaning Out the Fridge
On this first day of October, I am amazed how time is moving by with grace and ease these days. Each day is full of so many delicious things. Some days I am able to get everything done and others there are “leftovers” for me to enjoy from earlier in the week. A few targets that I have set for myself have slipped by, including writing a weekly blog entry this past month. Yet, just as the air is different this morning, cooler and crisper, I am treating myself different. I am cooler. I feel more peace and trust, truly knowing that everything is happening the way it is supposed to. As I continue to do my best everyday, which to me means to consistently check in with myself and make sure what I am doing feels good. If I am not in a place of expansion, of feeling good, feeling alive, then that is not the time to move forward on a particular activity.
Over the last couple of weeks, my plate has been very full with so many delicious items. There have been lots of leftovers. As I was ”cleaning out the fridge” and some of the items were on the edge of stinky,they needed to be completed. I was at the breaking point so to say, that edge where I knew that if I did not shift my energy, this was not going to be fun anymore. There was one part of my that just wanted to plow through and get it done. I knew that if I did that, when Matt came home from work , he would not love the woman he was coming home to and I would not love the woman I was. I took a breath, changed my clothes and went for a bike ride. All it took was an hour of doing something that fed my spirit, to shift my mood and allow me to finish what needed to be done later that evening.
I love when I remember to honor myself; my soul’s calling to be me and conciously choose the life I love.
Anyone want to come over for leftovers?
If You Could Choose Anything, What Would it Be?
Last week I asked Julian how he was doing, and he said “Great!’ I said, “What makes you great?” and he said, “Because I choose to be!” What a concept! Today I will be joyful, happy, in a good mood . . . however you want to say it.
Think about how much time you spend getting ready to go to work, or plan a vacation. Do you take nearly as much time to consciously choose joy? Simple, yes. Always easy? Depends. It is like starting to work out at the gym, flexing new muscles. You are starting to flex your ability to choose joy. It feels awkward at first, yet the more that you do it, the easier it will be. Now I am not saying that you can move from depression to joy just because you choose to. However, I am saying that you can always choose to feel a bit better that you did a minute ago.
Abraham talks about the “emotional guidance system” we all have and shows us how we can use our thoughts to consciously move us up the scale, noticing where we are putting our attention. Put your attention on where you want to be, not where you are. That is where we keep getting more of what we already have!
When you have some clarity around where you are going and consciously choose joy, you are on a special journey. This is when all of the lights are green and the parking spot right in front opens up for you. I love when my parking goddess is with me, which is always—ask my friends—they will tell you. Why? Because I expect it! What are you expecting? What are you choosing? Be conscious, be joyful, be fabulous. You are!
The Joy Factor
Welcome fellow Happiness Pioneers! You've come to the right place if you are looking to raise your Joy Factor and create a life you are madly in love with. My vision is for everyone to live a life aligned with their passions and full of joy. Visit often to read what the Joy Posse has to say, watch uplifting videos and gather other delightful resources that will make you smile. This is also a place to share what raises your Joy Factor - do tell! Let’s have the ripple effect of joy change the world!
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