Canadian poet Merle Shain understood love. She declared: “If I were to marry again tomorrow, I wouldn’t give up one friend. I’d take them all with me as a sort of dowry and tell my new husband that he was getting a rich wife.”

I’ve always wondered about girls and women who leave their friends behind when a man steals their heart.  I don’t get it. What I loved most about The Divine Secrets of the YaYa Sisterhood was the life-long friendships.  Their husbands got a handful!

Last weekend I sat with three women whom I haven’t known long, but already feel that I know well. The breadth of self-disclosure was stunning, the honesty was liberating, the awareness motivating.

I’ve been thinking since about friends—the ones who bring me real joy, what makes them so valuable, and how they touch my soul with such depth, again and again.

There is always genuine interest, good conversation, and enjoyable companionship.  We share similar values, but experience and beliefs different enough to be interesting, provocative, and moving. There is empathy and authenticity.

Those who love me most will tell me when I have peas in my teeth, and when I am wrong in my thinking. More, true friends inspire me to be and do my best. They mirror my strengths, and equally, my weaknesses. They’ll let me wallow for a while when things go awry—and they listen completely—then goad me to seek solutions.  They nudge me to venture into new territory, and cheer me on whether I stumble or thrive. They laugh at my jokes. As a Native American friend would say, “They give me thunder.”

They are my champions. They give meaning to my life.

And I have the honor of doing the same for them.

Friends and family are oxygen for my soul.

After two  life changing experiences a couple of months ago, I felt like I was learning to walk again. I found myself affirming all 3 of those statements at different times of my journey. Each one made me feel different and of course, those feelings determined the actions that I took.

I went into both of those experiences with a tremendous amount of optimism.  That optimism kept me afloat as I realized things were not going to be as good and easy as I hoped they would be. First, I did not make it past the first round of a contest I thought I was going to win. Second, I had a surgical procedure  I thought I would heal from in two weeks and I was not fully back to Wendy until 7 weeks after the procedure-yikes!

Both of these experiences taught me some wonderful lessons – imagine that?!  The funny thing is I thought I already knew these lessons-not!  The learning continues….and I pass it on to you.

1. Slow Down – When I drive to fast, I miss my turn. When I move through life at breakneck speeds, I miss the beauty of the moment. Each moment contains what I value in life-connection, joy, peace and  love.  After surgery, I could not do anything – I had to stop and then recalibrate to a slower speed. You do not need an operation to do that, all you need is the desire to enjoy the moment and use it to make intentional decisions that will create your best life.

2. Don’t Try So Hard – Abraham-Hicks talks about letting go of the oars and moving downstream, rather than paddling hard to go upstream. When I allow the  my passions to fuel the direction that I am going in, I am able to reconnect with spirit and disconnect from my negative ego and move forward with more ease. I incorporated sitting with spirit each morning and journaling my desires. Taking this time for me was just what I was craving. The craving was satisfied as I moved forward in my life with ease.

3. Honor my Passions -  Each and every day I connect with what is most important to me – my Top 5 Passions. From there I make decisions as I slow down and let go of the oars. Magic happens from this place. With so many things to do, places to go, people to see and so much information to absorb, my passions are the compass that guide me in the direction that feeds my spirit. When my spirit is fed, I am creating the life I love with ease.

Today, when I fall down, I get up, wipe my knees and move forward one small step at a time. This moves me towards my destination, while truly enjoying my wonderful journey!  What will your next step be?

Joy comes from connecting with other like minded people. Leigh Layton with The Possibility Spa is one of those people. She and her partner, Laura Calandrella are up to something delicious at Serenbe in June. The video here touches on some of the yummy topics they will be sharing at this event. Take a few minutes to learn more about Rule #6 and other delightful possibilities in this conversation. Enjoy!

What if instead, we resisted that game? What if we looked at our relationships as reflections of how we perceive our relationship with the universe? (Notice I didn’t say, “as a reflection of our relationship with the universe”, but rather, as our perception of that relationship.) What if every difficult tête-à-tête with a loved one or coworker was just a mirror of what we think the universe “thinks” of us? Here are a couple of examples:

Sharon perceives herself as a minuscule drop in the cosmos, powerless and stripped of a meaningful role. She believes that the God she was raised to believe in is too big, powerful and busy for her and is basically left to fend for her own. As a result, her manager, who she rebels against in passive aggressive ways, always seems too busy for her and doesn’t acknowledge her accomplishments. She also attracts coworkers who act bigger and more powerful than her and finds herself in almost constant conflict.

Curt sees himself as a victim; his life is filled with unfortunate mishaps. Though he believes in a God and tries to enrich his spirituality by attending church and volunteering, he perceives his relationship with God as one-sided. To Curt, God is “unavailable”. As a result, his personal relationships are riddled with people who do not reciprocate, communicate or commit – and leave him feeling “less than”.

If all success begins at the source, then do we stand a chance at having more joyful encounters if we create a good relationship with the universe? When we do that, when we start listening, cooperating and paying attention to that relationship, (often letting go of what we “think” we know), then communication channels open up. Then your relationships either fall away because they no longer fit who you are or they will change for the better to support you!

What is your perception of your relationship with the universe?

Example: Next time you watch a movie, focus on the background music. Watch how it influences your interpretation of the plot.  Think of your exercise play list and how it creates that extra burst of adrenaline at the gym. Listen to the sounds of nature and take note of how they affect your level of peace and openness. Then think about how your mood is altered when watching the news on TV, dodging traffic while talking on the phone or at a crowded Wal-Mart. What does this do to your creativity?

I believe that music can remove the worst of creative blocks. I also believe that ingenuity and creativity return when there is less exposure to stressful or stagnant background noise.

So, if you want to bust open your writer’s block or shift your artistic direction, try changing the background noise. Listen to different types of music as you write, paint, or even cook. Then look at what you created and think about what you listened to at the time. You may be surprised at the results.

The problem with resolutions: they are often made from a place of shame or dread right after having spent a month gaining an extra 5 pounds, drinking too many cosmos, overspending, etc.

…As if the resolution will absolve us of our holiday sins.

Instead of “resolutions” think of “internal redesign opportunities” – redesigning a portion of life using a plan that resonates with the real you, supporting your life’s purpose.

For me, this New Year’s redesign began with reflection. I thought about what is working in my life because of my strengths and hard work and what I need to still purge. Each year is a long, winding staircase of successes and discoveries. Each time I climb the stairs, though what is down below doesn’t change, my view of it certainly does get altered, some years more than others, but I get stronger with each climb.

What works?

1) Looking at the “whys” behind the new choices and asking how they resonate with who I am.

2) Scrutinizing statements. (e.g. instead of saying, “I want to lose 10 pounds”, going deeper and saying, “I would like to have a healthier relationship with food/exercise.”)

3) Valuing what’s already there before embarking on changes. If a change is needed, I make it from a place of self care and love.

4) Being gentle with myself.

So how’s your internal redesign going?

You bring this world a value
That to others will attach
You have that way about you
Than no one else can match

Continuing to learn from others
On top of each other we are built
We all bring an attribute
That creates a patchwork quilt

None of this could happen
Should you refuse to play along
Your participation is required
To launch this universal song

Nobody does it better
That thing there that you do
So bring it to the table
To share the gift of you.

Fran Asaro

Wendy with the masters of passion, Chris and Janet Attwood

It has always been fascinating to me that parents and teachers expect kids that are getting ready to finish high school to know what they are going to be when they grow up. There is so much pressure for them to know much more then they can comprehend at seventeen years old.
  Because of my life experience, I am an advocate of kids that do not have a clear idea about their career path to attend the University of Life for awhile. That is where I received my ChB degree from.  I am a Compassionate Human Being and share this degree with pride. This break in formal education and training allowed me to really ponder what it was I wanted to contribute to the world. Sometimes this reflecting happened consciously and other times it was more on a subconscious level.  Either way, it let me start to uncover what I was really passionate about.
Most people I know in their late thirties and early forties, have no idea what they want to be now that they are adults. They are meandering through life, creating a little of this and a little of that; somewhat enjoying the journey, yet not getting the most of what they want out of their life.
What do you want to accomplish? Do you have the seeds of the next Martin Luther King germinating? Maybe a little bit of Martha Stewart or even Emeril?  Some people are here for a grandiose purpose, others for something that is a bit more tame.  Whatever mark you are here to leave on the world, it all starts with knowing what is important to you and how to design your life around that. 
Chris and Janet Attwood, authors of the NY Times Best Selling book, The Passion Test, say that our passions are the breadcrumbs that lead us to our purpose in life. The flavor of these breadcrumbs will change over time, however, they always guide you to the essence of what will bring you the most fulfillment and success in your life.
As 2010 comes to a close, take some time to uncover what your passions are and let them lead you to creating a new year filled with all of the things that you desire and deserve. Buy a book, take a class, hire a coach-whatever you do, find the breadcrumbs that will lead you home; home to living your purpose and being the best you can be—just for you!

Being the star means we orchestrate our own struggles and learn to grow into our joy from them. As an actor in my own life story, I try – though don’t always succeed at – accepting the challenging roles even if that means I’m not the star or hero that day. In fact, to the audience and sometimes even to ourselves, though we may not always appear to be the star, learning to appreciate a difficult decision can bring joy, as it is part of our training.

Whether you’re the star or “just an extra”, can you accept your role today? Can you use your energies to do the very best you can? Can you call in the great power of the universe for guidance and support? With a little patience, a wider view and some perseverance, you never know when your starring role will surface – and it’s best to be ready for it!

In 1990, at the age of 16, I was involved in a single car accident in which I lost control of my vehicle going 80 miles per hour.  While taking a left hand turn, the car’s rear end lost traction and I went into a skid.  Being an inexperienced driver, my first reaction was to turn stronger into the turn.  That was a big mistake!

The car spun harder and ended up skidding sideways onto a grassy median.  The car came to a crashing halt when it slammed into, knocked over and wrapped itself around a light pole.  The impact knocked the moon roof off the car, pushed the glove compartment all the way to the middle console and smashed the steering wheel up against the driver’s seat.  I should have been crushed, but I can actually remember somehow, perhaps by the aid of an angel, crawling out of the car through the displaced moon roof, looking back at my Mom’s demolished car and deliriously repeating, “I gotta get this fixed!”

It was moments later that I first noticed the intense pain in my chest and I had to lay down on the ground.  Someone who lived close by and heard the sound of crushing metal was the first to arrive on the scene and discover me lying next to the vehicle.  She asked if I was okay, told me help was on the way and asked for my parents contact information.

I was transported to the hospital where I stayed for five days.  I spent two days in I.C.U. as the primary concern was my heart that lay bruised behind my broken sternum and displaced ribs.  I have never experienced that amount of pain before or since!

When I was released from the hospital, I essentially spent three months on a lazy boy because I could not lie flat.  I couldn’t move, heck, I could breathe without excruciating pain.  Laughing was not possible and if I felt a sneeze coming on I would have tears roll down my cheeks before actually sneezing because I knew the incredible amount of pain I was about to experience.  Even heavy narcotics couldn’t come close to taming the pain.

When I had to go back to school (because they only let my grades carry over for one quarter), I wondered how I was going to make it through the day as my struggles to move without tremendous pain were still very real and apparent.  My mother hated seeing me like that and decided to take me to a chiropractor, which I knew nothing about.  That visit and all the subsequent visits changed me and my life for the better.

I started to finally recover from my injuries AND I discovered a new passion – a desire to help people in the same manner.  Even though my knowledge of what a chiropractor was and what they did was still limited, I knew right then and there that I was meant to be one.

I had no way of knowing that while I lay there all those months in agony that I would end up here.  I am grateful to be alive and feel blessed to have an understanding of true suffering.  I enjoy my life’s work and enjoy going to work every day.  I feel privileged to serve people and help them in the same manner I was helped all those years ago.

All of us are going to have some dark moments in our lives.  While I know how challenging it is to go through those difficult moments, you must keep the faith that it too shall pass.  In the end it just might be the start of some incredible blessing.