Joy in the Time of….
Joy. What makes us experience joy? When I live in harmony with my nature and allow myself to be me, I experience the most joy. When I don a mask to protect or defend myself out in the world, I am not happy. When I don that mask I feel stress that gradually accumulates out of the pit of my stomach and affects my behavior a little more each day, until I find myself lashing out at those who are closest to me (of course they’re the ones who will forgive me… right?)
When I take the masks off and allow myself to be me, no matter how vulnerable I feel, no matter how I have to force myself to be brave, no matter that initially it may feel incredibly uncomfortable, there is an honesty that comes into play, that feels so good, when I no longer try to pretend to be something that I’m not. In Taoism it is said that humans are naturally kind. When I allow that kindness in my life, life responds in equal or greater measure with kindness.
It’s a little like when you go into the grocery store and smile at everyone no matter how grumpy they appear to be. Most people respond with a smile. Not only do they smile, but often their inner light will come shining through like a beacon, reinforcing the smile in you. When we take off our mask and allow our natural self to enjoy the moment and live in that moment, life can be so much easier and so much more joyful.
Sometime, more often than I like to admit, I forget and find myself in an unhappy state, rushing around, trying to force the universe to conform to my will, instead of allowing it to be itself and me to be me. When I catch myself in that mode, I try to reset – to bring out that inner smile, to find the good in the moment, to let go of the past and the future, and just to revel in the beauty around me and within each perfect moment, to be in Joy.
The Higher the Plane, the Closer to God?
In my past life, as a territory manager for Aveda , I would regularly hear hairdressers joke, the bigger the hair, the closer to God. It always made us chuckle.
I was on an airplane last week, flying to CA, my home away from home, I noticed something. Whenever I am on a plane or in a car for an extended length of time, my creativity soars! Have you ever noticed that? All I can say is woohoo!!!!
For the last 6 weeks, I have had a block in completing my book proposal. There are a couple of things in play here. One, my fear of success poked its little head into the picture and started playing with me, and I let it. Second, it is summertime and I usually want a bit more free time, which left me a bit unfocused. And third, I got a nasty sinus infection this summer that really made me slow down for a few weeks. This combination had me take my attention off of the proposal and put it on other things.
At first, I was very hard on myself about being blocked. I know that I cannot struggle through a proposal on a book about Joy! As I let myself experience the disappointment of being blocked and lowered the bar that I keep so high for myself, the energy shifted. When I allow myself to feel what I need to feel, instead of trying to stuff it and hide it, I let myself off of the hook and trust that everything is happening the way it is supposed to. The proposal will arrive on the agents’ desk at the perfect time.
With all that said, I am thrilled to tell you that I worked on my proposal on that plane trip—joy and creativity were in the house! I do believe that the higher the plane, the closer to spirit. Spirit and I are tight—we work well together.
Now, back to trusting my feelings and my process.
Chop Chop
| Chop chop (chŏp’chŏp’) |
adv. Informal
Right away; quickly.
Back when I spent my days chauffeuring willing minds to guitar, piano, soccer and ballet, I would sometimes get in a bit of a hurry to get out the door. To encourage a speedy exit by all, I would clap my hands together twice and say, “Chop, chop!” It was instinctual for me to say this peppy command combined with my mid-air hand clapping. It seemed happy. It was efficient and fun, right? While it was meant to motivate and rally, it would often stop my children right in their tracks so that they could give me their mouth-hanging-open “really?” look. They hated it. For some reason that only a therapist could unearth, this was a tough one for me to give up. I knew it was unpopular. I knew it didn’t work, and yet it would fly right out of my mouth and my hands would whip up before I could stop them. It had the same unpleasant effect, every time. I did eventually learn to let this rally cry go. My kids still tease me about it.
Still, I had the soul of a chopper. Eventually, I learned to satisfy the urge through the kinder, gentler, meditative sound of my knife hitting the chopping block when I prepared a meal for my family. I can provide nourishment instead of negativity. It’s easy for me to lose myself in the repetitive motion and the delicious aromas of fresh herbs and garden vegetables. A little music, a little wine….
I still have to resist the urge to go into “chop chop” mode. It’s not who I want to be. I know now that I can accomplish things and live a pretty fabulous life without marching in and directly the troops. In the end, the things that need to get done will get done. All is well.
Open Hearts and Open Minds
My yoga teacher tells us to check our egos at the door. “Don’t compare yourself to others in the class, and don’t force yourself into something that’s not good for your body,” she insists. “Lift your chest and open your heart,” she advises during Eagle Pose. And so I do as she tells. Drop my ego and open my heart – what sound advice! And though it seems it should be common sense, we need those reminders.
I often find that I compare myself to others, which seems odd to me since I am quite happy with who I am. In comparing, I find that I close my head and my heart off to people as a result of my own judgement. That is the antithesis of what my sage of a yoga teacher preaches. In checking my ego at the door, I should not be passing judgement on myself or others. In opening my heart, I should be making room for the warmth of those around me, and most importantly, the love that I have to give myself. As we all know, it’s imperative to love ourselves before we can fully love others.
So in this instance, it’s like the chicken or the egg: which comes first – an open heart or an open mind? Whichever comes first, the other is sure to follow, and both will lead us down the road to an open soul.
Green Toes
Earlier in the week, I shared that I got a manicure and pedicure with my sister—good
times! What I did not share is that I painted my toes green with butterflies on the big toes. It is the simple things in life that raise my Joy Factor!
I do have to admit, there was a process to choosing this beautiful color. There is this little mental checklist I went through:
Do I like the color? Will it clash with or match with the clothes/shoes I wear? Does it make me happy? What will others think of my green toes?
It is this last question that always throws me for a loop.
Why do I care what other people think about the color I put on my toenails? It is nail polish, it is removable. I have a tattoo, pierced nose and pierced belly button-why should green tootsies be a big deal?
That little nagging thought that others may not “approve” of me gets in the way of my Joy Factor being its best. The beautiful thing is that my recovery time is so much shorter these days when that thought comes up; I can step back into making a choice from what brings me joy vs. what I thing will bring others joy.
The funny thing is that when it brings me joy, it usually brings others joy as well. I have gotten so many compliments on my fun toes. I can also sense that it is not everyone’s favorite color – so be it.
Here is what I make up as true, as I give myself permission to express myself authentically with my emerald toes, it gives other people the go-ahead to have fun with their authentic expression as well. And here is what I know is true, when I look at my toes, I am happy and when I am happy, magic happens!
What is your “green toe” experience? Please tell, inquiring minds want to know.
Sister Time
Last week I was lucky enough to have a “sister day”. Since my sister Lisa has kids, the opportunities to have sister time are few and far between. It was a wonderful f day filled with lunch, gabbing and the main event-a manicure and a pedicure. As delightful as all of the things we did were, the best part of our time together, was just being together. I savor the relationships that I have where I can truly by myself.
Don’t get me wrong, I do express myself authentically all day, every day. It is the “sister” relationships where I can have the most fun, letting my hair down to blow in the wind. I am lucky enough to have other “sisters” in my life, women that love me as I am no matter what.
Spending time with Lisa last week reminded me how important it is to carve out time in my schedule to be with my soul sisters. The time I get to spend with these women, whether it is on the phone or in person feeds my spirit. This is a special type of self-care, the kind that keeps on giving for days on end.
Here is what each of my lovely sisters reminds me of:
1. Go with the flow. The best way to survive a busy life is to stay in the moment-thank you, Lisa!
2. Live your dreams. As the Universe presents opportunities, grab them and go-you can always readjust later—thank you, Bernadette!
3. You can do it. When you put your mind to something and move forward a little bit each day, you achieve what may have seemed unachievable – thank you, Sandra.
4. It is never too late. Even if your dream takes 5, 10, 20 years to manifest, if it is important enough to you, it will happen in divine order – thank you, Aunt Nancy.
5. Have fun with everything you do. There are a couple of sisters that remind me that I can choose to have fun with everything in my life—out with serious, in with fun! Thank you, Trish and Runa!
This list could go on for pages. I would love to hear what you learn from your “sisters”! Share with us, so we can enjoy the gifts of friendship with you!
Hello Oprah, It’s Me, Wendy!
This past weekend, I was one of 2100+ people who auditioned for a show on the upcoming Oprah Winfrey Network. It was a very cool experience.
The adventure began at 4:30 AM on Saturday when Brett and Ty picked me up to head to the audition. There were already 876 people in line when we arrived. I know that because the wristbands we received were numbers 876-878. We were told to be back for our time slot at 11. Off we went to grab something to eat and practice our pitch. Our spirits were high! The energy around us was amazing!
We came back and shared our visions, passions and dreams in a 30 second pitch under a tent with 13 other people. Wow—there are some fascinating people out there with amazing gifts to share. I was thrilled to be a part of it all.
When it was all said and done, I did not get a call back for the second day of auditions. Yes, I was disappointed, okay a bit devastated on Sunday.
As I reflect on the experience now, I realize that I may not have received a call, but I did receive these gifts:
1. Amazing acknowledgment and support from my friends and family. Thank you for reminding me that I am not sitting around waiting for my life to happen—I am going for the gold ring!
2. Knowing that inspired action is my favorite type of action. I came home from vacation a day early and woke up at 3:30 in the morning to pursue something that makes my heart sing. This gift will keep on giving for a while—I am proud of myself!
3. Last but not least – Even though I was disappointed that I did not receive the call back, I am reminded that there are no failures, only opportunities to learn and grow. I will continue to take risks that are in alignment with my passions and authentic expression. This is why I am here!
I offer these gifts to you my friends, open them when you need them and share them with the world.
If Oprah happens to call you, tell her I said hello!
What Does It Really Mean to Be Authentic?
I know a lot of people hate labels, but for me, it sometimes helps me understand a person or help someone express who they are quickly . . . IF they are authentic about it.
As a lesbian, hippie of sorts, some of my friends were surprised to learn that I enjoy Christian music. Regardless of beliefs, the message is positive and the music itself makes me feel good. Seven years ago, my partner and I went to see Christian singer/songwriter, Jennifer Knapp play at the Tabernacle in Atlanta. Needless to say, the audience was a very different crowd from us, and we expected a laid back musical show. We were pleasantly surprised when this tattooed rocker came out and entertained us with the passion and stage talent that we really didn’t notice on her CD. We had a new respect for Jennifer as she expressed her “authentic self.”
But after that concert, Jennifer didn’t release any new music. There were no tour dates and her website lie dormant for years. Fast forward to a few months ago, my partner discovered that Jennifer Knapp was playing at Eddie’s Attic in Decatur of all places. We had to go to satisfy our curiosity. Turns out, she spent the past several years disconnecting from the Christian commercial music scene and discovering more about herself while exploring Austrailia. On stage seven years later, we witnessed even more passion and a deeper connection to her music. Jennifer still has a strong faith, but her beliefs have broadened to embrace all people and the incredible world around her. What an inspiration!
I am amazed that when a person discovers more about who they are and what brings them joy, the expression of what they do and how they impact the world is extremely powerful. I am on that journey myself, and am finding greater satisfaction when I make decisions that are in sync with my authentic self. How about you?
A New Recipe
Have you heard the story about the woman who makes a roast for dinner twice a month? Every time she cooks this dish, she cuts the ends of the roast off before putting it in the pan. After watching his wife do this for many years, her husband asks, “why do you cut the ends off and throw them away? ” Her response, ”my mom did it that way, so I do it that way. ” He asked, “Why did your mom do it that way?” She asked her mom that very same question and discovered that she cut the ends off because the roast did not fit in the pan that she used!
How many times do you do the same thing, because you have always done it that way – even when it is a waste of time, energy or roast?
Is it time to change your recipe? Here at the Joy Factor, we offer four delightful ingredients that will support you in not having to “cut the ends off of your roast” . Try this new recipe and see what it tastes like:
1 part Connection to Purpose – When you know what is most important to you and you line your life up with that, joy happens!
1 part Authentic Expression – My friend Laura Biering has a wonderful tag on her car, it says, B U Now. You are perfect as you are, share that with the world and your Joy Factor will increase.
1 part Self – Care – Fill your personal fountain with things that will allow you to be the best you can be for yourself and others. What can you do for your self today, that will fill your fountain and spirit?
1 part Strategic Optimism - Having a plan that supports you in choosing joy each day is a powerful structure that empowers you on days that you are less than joyful.
You get to choose how much of these ingredients to use in your recipe to live your best life. A dash of this, a pinch of that, a cup and a half of this. If you want different results, make different choices!
What will your new recipe be?
Get Real!
One of Coca-Cola’s tag lines, “It’s the real thing”, refers to the original recipe of this popular drink. As we continue to learn about new ingredients to use in your recipe to raise your Joy Factor, I invite you to explore what Authentic Expression is to you. Are you expressing yourself in a way that is in alignment with the real you?
Last week I was watching Ellen - she definitely raises my Joy Factor! One of her guests was Chely Wright. Chely is the first major country artist to come out as gay. Yes, KD Lang came out in 1992, but she had abandoned the country music genre by then. It took courage for her to express herself authentically. By sharing her story, she opens up the door for others to live their authentic life.
It is vulnerable to truly be who you are. There is a lot of external pressure to be like everyone else, or be what other people want you to be. When you live your life with a lack of authenticity, it is not a lot of fun!
You are here to live your best life. Explore what Authentic Expression is for you. Sometimes it is easier to start by looking at what Authentic Expression is not. Once you uncover that that is, you can start making little adjustments towards Authentic Expression. You will soon be living a life that expresses the real you!
I know from experience that this is easier said than done. Worrying about what other people think can get in the way of expressing myself authentically. A wise woman once told me that it is none of my business what other people think. I do my best to remember that advice each and every day.
I know that I am not Coca-Cola, yet my tag line these days is, “what you see is what you get!”
If you had a tag line that spoke to your Authentic Expression, what would it be?
The Joy Factor
Welcome fellow Happiness Pioneers! You've come to the right place if you are looking to raise your Joy Factor and create a life you are madly in love with. My vision is for everyone to live a life aligned with their passions and full of joy. Visit often to read what the Joy Posse has to say, watch uplifting videos and gather other delightful resources that will make you smile. This is also a place to share what raises your Joy Factor - do tell! Let’s have the ripple effect of joy change the world!
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Joy Posse
Bernadette Peters (3)
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Deb Cooperman (3)Derek Nowatzki (3)
Dr. Andy Vantreese (2)
Erica Burns (3)Fran Asaro (4)
Juliette Mansour (2)
Michelle Goss (3)
Rebecca Ewing (3)
Sandra Kellim (2)Sherry Wheat (2)
Tamara McElhannon (3)Tracey Lynne (2)
Tricia Molloy (3)
Trish Carr (3)
Wendy Watkins (50)