Rekindling Joy

How does a person, after an excruciating experience of betrayal, find joy again?

If joy is within, what are the steps to recapturing it?

How will Sandra Bullock, after recently reaching her pinnacle of success, survive  debilitating disappointment because of her husband’s newly revealed secret behavior. What happened to her opportunity to joyfully savor success?

The act of betrayal has all kinds of ways it is played out in emotional/romantic relationships. It can do great damage.

I was shattered by betrayal a number of years ago. I was hurt, sad and very angry…full of creative revenge, a side of myself I had rarely witnessed before. It lasted for a year plus, and it ate me up. I was robbed of time, creativity and movement.

Everyday on my way to work, anger would bubble up, and fester. It was tiring. My emotional turmoil did nothing to punish my betrayer. It only hurt me.

I had to challenge my internal voice and find another focus, restore myself to a happier vibration, calmer place, if I was going to bounce. Finding that place required a surrender, and an opening to greater vulnerability. It required an active and direct intention to change. There was no place to go except to forgive.

I am of the belief that we are 100% responsible for our lives. There is no one else to blame. If that was true then why was I so angry? Clearly, I was not accepting responsibility for MY actions. Before I began the process of intentionally forgiving, I had taken a class on Radical Forgiveness. But I was not really practicing the principles. I was still mired.

I made the decision to be more conscious and intentional. In the evenings after work, I  set the intention, prayed and ask for help forgive. An amazing process began with that simple intention.

First, I had the unexpected realization that if I was to forgive anyone, I must forgive MYSELF first. Each night I felt a little better, and in the mornings, winding my way to work, the anger seemed less. I began to accept my responsibility in the relationship. I had said ‘YES’. I was 100% responsible. I had agreed to the relationship. I had encouraged  and promoted it. I had NOT done the research to really understand what kind of person and experience I was setting myself up for. Those were freeing realizations.

The deeper I went, the more I connected with the choices I had made, unconsciously.  There was no one else to blame. I began to forgive my decisions. Self-forgiveness was a kind antidote. My blaming inner voice softened. I began to forgive my betrayer. Anger subsided. I experienced relief.

Do I need to befriend my betrayer? No. I did need to release the emotional charge and free myself from the bitterness and restore myself to a happy, joyful and productive life.

I am of the belief that no matter what the challenge, there is always a gift, a silver lining, that comes with adverse situations. Could it be that my experience of betrayal was the seed that allowed me to grow and bounce back to joy in a new and deeper way? Learning to forgive and finding more compassion for myself and others was my gift. With forgiveness have come moments of bliss, that have grown into periods of bliss.